Charmdate: What Happens When We Stop Trying?

Nothing good,” you’ve probably thought to yourself. “It would be a mess, a disaster a hopeless existence.”

But would it, really? In the words of Edith Wharton, “If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time.”

Think about it: there must have been at least couple of times when you tried something as hard as you possibly could, but it was still a mess.

People keep trying to be happier, they keep trying to make things work in their relationships, they keep trying to get a bigger promotion…

What happens if you just stop trying so hard? Would it be chaos — or would it actually help you achieve things in life and be happy?

Spoiler alert: it’s the latter.

There are always things you can’t control. Not everything is the outcome of how hard you try. So why not just go with the flow and enjoy the show?

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Encouraged, Not Discouraged

Whenever you want something to happen in your life – you can feel either encouraged or discouraged by it.

When you’re trying to achieve something, keep track of the train of thought in your head. Where is it headed? Does it make you feel discouraged because, “Yes, I want it, but I’ll never have it because I’m pathetic or not strong enough”?

Or is it “Yes, I want it, and it’d be great to achieve it because my life would be so much better in this and that way”?

Setting the goal in a positive way helps you achieve things without having to try too hard. If you’re imagining how nice it would be to have something in your life, you’ll gravitate towards it naturally.

Because your body is smart – and it wants the best things for you.  And your mind is sending signals to the universe.

If you, on the other hand, are constantly reminding yourself how big of a failure you are TO NOT HAVE that thing in your life YET, then your mind will naturally reject any of your attempts to achieve it.

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Give Up — Only to Find a More Productive Way

If you keep beating your head against the wall over and over again, you will not crush that wall to get to your ultimate goal, you’ll crush your skull.

No matter what it is you’re trying to achieve in life, there are always multiple ways to achieve that. Make sure the way you’ve chosen is actually productive and doesn’t exhaust you to the point that all of this feels useless.

Trying too hard to achieve something won’t get you far. Trying to find shortcuts and more productive ways to achieve it, on the other hand, will.

Don’t Overwhelm Yourself

Look, here’s the harsh truth: some things are simply never meant to happen no matter how much effort you put into them.

Nonetheless, it doesn’t mean you should give up all of your goals and dreams and just exist without even trying anything.

Overwhelming yourself with how you think your life should be is not getting you anywhere. Most of you will probably relate to this – it’s not until you actually stop putting an effort into something that it starts gravitating towards you.

It’s because when we are trying something too hard we tend to forget who we are and why we are doing this.

Instead, try to be more satisfied with what you have right now, not always keep an eye to have more.  Be grateful all the time and never take anything for granted.

Not living in the present and making the “I don’t want this, I want that” argument the center of your life is not the most productive way of achieving things.  When you stop trying, when you actually enjoy what you have, you attract things.

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