The hope of not having to use cute terms for bad dating behaviors is far from over. After “kittenfishing”, People have created a new bad dating trend called submarining. It is probably the first time you have heard of the word, right? It occurs when someone you have been going out or talking with suddenly disappears without any trace which is similar to a submarine sinking deep into the water. Then, out of the blue, that someone reemerges and talks to you as if nothing happened. This is indeed bewildering and infuriating at the same time.
This dating concept is close to “zombieing” which means someone suddenly vanishes and returns from the “grave” after a few months with a lame reason why she was gone for a long time. Nevertheless, for submarining, it is worse. After they resurface, they give no explanation for the period they did not talk to you. No attempt to apologize or give an excuse for their absence.
According to the dating coach, one possible reason for this is they want to keep the reason a secret or sugarcoat it. In most cases, they went out with someone else, and it did not work. Therefore, they end up submarining hoping that you will fall for it.
It is not exactly surprising that dating complications such as submarining happen because of the more modern approach to dating. To be more specific, this kind of problem stems from dating apps and sites.
Submarining can reflect a narcissistic and self-entitlement behavior. Therefore, they do not mind suddenly jumping back into your life and act as if they did not do anything off. This is disrespectful since they imply that you should be thankful for sending you a message. They feel that you are lucky because they talked to you again. If she stopped talking to you and suddenly reconnects, you better understand her poor and disrespectful personality.
This kind of behavior also gives a crystal clear message. They do not think your feelings and time are as important as theirs. It is hard to believe where they get the audacity to do this and expect you to give them a warm welcome. It is confusing and insulting.
If she was not interested to pursue me, why would she want to reconnect with me now? The possible reasons are very simple. They are sad or bored or both sad and bored, so they want to revive the connection you had. This behavior should have no place in dating. Nevertheless, it is inevitable since many people fall victim to this. If this happened to you, or you do not want it to happen to you, you have to know how to handle the situation.
Dealing with Submarining
It is important to know how to stand up for yourself when you feel disrespected, right? This is the same when dealing with submarining. You can feel tempted to lose your tempter. Nevertheless, if you want to save whatever you had, you can ask calmly what happened or the reason why she was gone instead of getting extremely angry.
You do not need to show anger, but do not make her feel that she can just walk in back to your life. Do not play the pretending game with her and act as if everything is okay and back to normal. You deserve a good explanation of why you did not hear from her. In trying to rekindle a relationship, authenticity and honesty are vital. If she cannot do that, move on because someone else deserves your attention and time.
Is It Really Worth the Risk?
To be completely honest, it will be better to move on with your life if you meet a submariner. The risk is too high if you take them back. Even if you have a serious and real conversation with that person, and she apologizes, you could feel worried that she might pull the same stunt again. This kind of action can only be done by someone who is selfish and immature who does not consider your time and feelings. It is not something you would want for a partner. Therefore, it is better to just go back into the dating game and meet a nice woman on Charmdate.
Although the submariner has all the qualities you are looking for, they are useless if she does not have any idea what the essential aspects are in a relationship. Without reliability, respect, and honesty, your relationship will be worthless. There is no better way than to walk away.
If you are considering getting back because you are pressured, you still like them, you feel too embarrassed to speak up, this will just worsen the situation because you are just accepting the rude, selfish, and disrespectful behavior of hers.
The only way to end submarining is to tell them directly that what they did was wrong. You should not tolerate it if you see your friends or loved ones being a victim of it. It’s better to let them know how such a stunt could be harmful to the bond.
Life is too precious and short to waste it with people who are not likely to stay for long. There are more things to see in the dating sea than submarines. Therefore, you should go ahead and move on meeting new people on Charmdate.
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